My Mom Treats Me Like a Child

Q: My mom treats me like a kid even though I am 14. I think that she needs to loosen up. She tells me that I can’t wear certain clothes and doesn’t let me wear makeup. Should I put up with it or talk to her?

A: Fourteen is a rough age for many people. With high school comes a lot of new pressures – get good grades, have new experiences, strive for popularity. However, fourteen is also difficult for those of us watching you go through that difficult time. I remember being terrified when my sister went through middle school and into high school, because I hated the idea of seeing her make the mistakes and experience the heartbreaks that I had. Parents are the same way, especially mothers. Fourteen is an interesting age, because you're no longer a child, and yet not quite an adult – you are able to make some decisions on your own, but still rely on your parents for support. As such, you still need to respect their decisions and realize that they may disagree with you for good reasons.

My advice is to talk with your mom (in an adult-like manner, with no screaming or whining), and maybe try to come to some form of compromise over what clothes or makeup you can and cannot wear. Most importantly, listen to her and try to understand where she is coming from. Despite what we think, mothers want nothing but the best for us, so try to keep that in mind. No matter how the conversation ends up, what mom says goes (there’s that Fourth Commandment again), but hopefully by talking it over with her you’ll have a better understanding of why she won’t let you. And who knows, maybe you just might agree!

Maureen D.

Just Friends

Q: Can two people of the opposite sex be close friends without being intimate?

A: Yes, people of the opposite sex can be friends without being intimate. Many are actually best friends and nothing ever develops into a physical relationship. However, one must be careful about what they say and do in the presence of the other person to keep things at a friendship level. There is a fine line between intimate and “just friends.” Not all people are able to succeed in such friendships. Ask God to help if you are struggling in such a situation.

Jenna

Is Catholics Belief in the Real Presence Cannibalism?

Q: How do I explain to a non-Catholic Christian that the Eucharist is not cannibalism?

A: You can explain to a non-Catholic Christian that the Eucharist is not cannibalism by first explaining each of the two parts separately, at first, and then together. What we must first do is explain the Eucharist by saying that in the Eucharist Christ's Body is truly and substantially present in a supernatural, not in a natural way. It is the same as in the Last Supper when Christ changed the substance of the bread and wine, but not its form, into His Flesh and Blood. So, the form of the Eucharist, which does not change, is bread and wine.

Then, you must answer the question of cannibalism. Cannibalism is to eat food, but not just any food. For it to be cannibalism the form of the food has to be meat and / or blood of one’s own species. Since the form of the Eucharist is not meat or blood it cannot be cannibalism. The determining factor is the form of the food. If a person eats a dead man, that would be cannibalism. If, on the other hand, a lion nourishes himself by eating several people, and then a month later a hunter comes along and kills and eats that lion, that would not be cannibalism.

Karen

Catholics Going to Non-Catholic Churches

Q: My best friend and I like to spend the night at each other’s houses a lot. If she spends the night at my house on Saturday then she goes to church with my family on Sunday. But if I spend the night at her house on Saturday, my parents won’t let me go to church with her family because she isn’t Catholic. I don’t see what the big deal is; church is church.

A: If that is the rule, then you should respect your parents. The Protestant church service doesn't fulfill our Sunday obligation as Catholics. They don't have the Eucharist. The rule around my house (because I have a lot of Protestant friends) was that I had to go to my church first, fulfill my obligation, and then I could go to my friend’s church. You should also be able to defend your faith if you are ever put into a situation at your friend’s church that would call you to.

Ashley

Up Against Peer Pressure

Q: Can you tell me some possible ways to defend yourself against peer pressure?

A: Set firm standards for yourself and create a reputation based on them. Find a friend who shares the same morals as you and create a “buddy system.” Keep each other in line with the standards you have set.

Accountability plays a huge role in peer pressure situations. Check up on each other from time to time and offer support.

Jenna

Do Aborted Babies Go to Heaven?

Q: Do aborted babies go to heaven? I heard someone say once that aborted babies are “baptized in blood.”

A: Yes, aborted babies do go to heaven. Baptism of blood or the baptism of desire is given to those who through no fault of their own have not received the Sacrament of Baptism (baptism of water). Baptism of blood is given to those who lived a good life and died in Christ’s name. Baptism of desire is given to those who would have belonged to the Catholic Church if they had known. (James Drummey, Catholic Replies [C. R. Publications, 1992], pg.93)

We believe that babies are saved because it is not their own imperfection that has caused them no chance of being part of God’s Church. We entrust them to the mercy of God. (CCC 1261)

Jenna

Can I Get New Godparents?

Q: My godparents were practicing Catholics when I was baptized. They are divorced now and not practicing the Faith. I pray that they will come back to the Faith every night. Can I get new godparents?

A: No, you can't. I think the best thing you can do is to continue praying for your godparents. Instead of looking to get new godparents, you can talk to them about it, and trust that God will bring them back to Him.

Tom