Grandparents Living with Teens

Q: My grandma is coming to live with us and I’m not too happy about it. My grandma used to be pretty cool; she always told the funniest stories. Now she is sickly and dying. It is just too hard to see her that way. It’s like she’s not even my grandma anymore. How do I deal with this?

A: Look at it as a way to be a servant, and to see Jesus. It may be hard, but like Mother Teresa said, “You can see the face of Jesus in everyone you meet.” As a teenager, it is a great humbling experience. Your grandmother is a blessing, not a burden. It is very special that your family has the opportunity to take her into your home instead of having to put her in a nursing home. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you like to be treated if you were her? Maybe you could talk to her about the things that you used to do and the fun times you used to have. Make her feel important and let her know that she means something to you.

Ashley

I Promise Not to Tell

Q. My sister stayed out way past her curfew and made me promise not to tell. Is it lying not to tell my parents?

A: It is not lying, however, it is omission. Try to be honest and upfront, but do not become an enemy to your siblings. Suggest to your sister that she tell your parents herself about her behavior. It is more her place to tell them than it is yours. Explain how she was wrong and why it would be beneficial for her to confess. Admitting to a wrong is the first part to fixing the problem. Be mindful of your sister’s wants, but be realistic at the same time.

Jenna

Going to Mass Alone

Q: My parents are really cool people and all, but I wish that we could start going to church. I feel like I need God in my life more. I’m trying to read the Bible more often and to get in touch with God. My mom claims that she gets bored sitting in Mass, but I really want to start going. Do you have any suggestions?

A: If your parents absolutely refuse to take you to church, try to find a ride with a friend or other family member. As a second option, use your church directory to find someone who might be willing to take you. As a last resort, take a bike ride or walk to the closest church or bus stop. However, if all fails, make a spiritual communion, by saying a prayer to God, telling Him how much you wanted to receive Jesus in Communion. He will understand your predicament and be happy that you are so dedicated to Him and His Church.

Jenna

Dealing with Doubts

Q: Lately I have had a lot of doubts about everything that I stand for as a Christian. Everything in my life seems to be going lousy. My family is always yelling. I don’t think my mom and I can ever have a peaceful conversation. I don’t understand why all this is going on. A friend of mine said that it isn’t my fault and that my mom is just going through stuff and I should understand. She said all I have to do is have faith. I pray all the time, but it doesn’t work. Everything is just so overwhelming at times and I don’t know what do to.

A: A lot of people doubt their faith at times in their lives, especially when their lives seem to be full of pain or dismay. Questioning your faith is not wrong or something to be ashamed of – it shows that you’re human. Imagine how empty your faith would be if you simply believed it because someone told you to believe. The thing to be careful of is the temptation to throw away your faith when times are hard. Just because you can’t see God’s answers to your prayers doesn’t mean He’s not listening.

In his book, Why Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner references the Book of Job from the Old Testament in order to explain suffering in this world. He notes that in the story of Job, the reader makes three assumptions: 1) God is an all powerful being, in control of everything that happens in the world; 2) God is a just God, who gives every person what they deserve; 3) Job is a good person. The problem that comes up is that only two of these are plausible at one time – if Job is a good person, and God is in control of everything that happens, then God cannot be a just God for letting Job suffer the way he does. Likewise, if God is a just God and is in charge of everything that happens, then Job cannot be a good person. Kushner’s resolution is that maybe God is not in charge of everything that happens in this world. Kushner points out that instead of seeing God as in charge of the suffering in our lives, as One who controls the bad things that happen to us, we must start seeing God as experiencing with us the suffering in our lives, as One who gives us strength to pull through when we have none.

Life wasn’t meant to be easy, and nobody can claim that it’s fair all the time. Everyone suffers at some point in his or her life. The trick is to learn how to work through the chaos around you. Some people listen to music, others take long walks, and others turn to creating art when they feel overwhelmed. One thing that I have found very helpful in dealing with hard times in my life is talking about it with someone I trust, such as a friend, a teacher, a priest. By not talking about what’s bothering you, all of that pain and anger is bottled up deep inside of you, which will only keep you unhappy in the future.

Maureen D.