Tired of Being a Nobody

Q: I’m tired of being a nobody. I want to be cool and popular, but it seems that all the popular kids at school spend way too much time cutting down other people. I don’t want to be cool just by pointing out how uncool everyone else is. So, how do I get noticed without being mean?

A: To be noticed, be especially friendly and self-giving. Have other people notice that there is something different and special about you. Be a positive example, and people will naturally be attracted to you. People will crave your difference. Don’t give in to conformity. Create your own person, and your own standards. That is far more important than popularity.

Jenna

Making an Impression on Teachers

Q: I’m going to be starting ninth grade in less than a week and I really want to make a good impression this year on my teachers. Any ideas?

A: Ninth grade, just like every new grade, is a chance to start over and start fresh. New teachers, new subjects, new classes – a whole world of new challenges to overcome. I would say the best thing to do, if you want to make a good impression, is take a look back on the past eight years of school and figure out what you did wrong, then fix it. Maybe you didn’t study hard enough in middle school, or got used to skating through English classes by reading Cliffnotes. Try setting aside time every day strictly for homework, and then stick to it! (By strictly, I mean no television or phone calls, or other distractions – just good old fashioned homework.) Actually read the books you are assigned, you may be surprised to find they’re not all half bad. Pace yourself – high school means harder classes and more work, so avoid all-nighters and late-night cramming by doing any work you can ahead of time. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most teachers love having students stop by after class with questions about the reading or to ask for help studying for next week’s test. Working hard and enjoying what you’re learning are two sure tickets to making a good impression.

Maureen D.

How to Choose High School Courses

Q: I have to start choosing my high school courses soon. My counselor talked to me about deciding on the path to my career. Some of my friends already know what they want to do, but I don’t. If I ask my dad he’ll just pick all the courses he wants me to take. What should I do?

A: Look through all the courses and consider the pros and cons of each class. Decide which you want to take based on what you think. Now is the time to start making important decisions by yourself. Look into what credits colleges require or recommend. See what your high school requires you to take before graduating. Or perhaps, if you have met the requirements, take a class that you have sincere interest in, or a class that might relate to your current ideas of a college major or profession. If you are having great trouble, pray and ask for guidance. Perhaps ask a close friend to help too. Have faith in the decisions that you make.

Jenna

Finals, College, and the Rest of My Life

Q: I am freaking out over my life. Finals are coming up and I go off to college next year. How am I supposed to know what to do with my life? What if I mess up in school and mess up my whole life?

A: Transitions in life are always somewhat frightening, so don’t feel like you are the only person who feels this way. Most people are not sure what they should be doing at this time, and there can be a lot of pressure from parents or others to go to college, or make other decisions that you are not sure about. You shouldn’t worry about messing up your whole life. Even if things go badly, there will be plenty of chances for you to take a different path. Don’t make a decision simply based on what others are telling you, try to do what you think is best for you life and what you feel God is calling you to.

On the other hand, your parents receive a lot of wisdom from God. They probably have some ideas that you don’t necessarily see the value of right now, but trust your parents and realize that they do have a pretty good idea of what is best for you.

Tom

Handling Racial Bigotry in School

Q: This guy at school makes racist remarks every time he passes me. I can’t ignore it anymore. Is there any way to handle this guy without a big fight?

A: There are several options you can take in this situation. One option is telling a counselor at school, someone who is not going to punish the student, but who can arrange a time for the two of you to sit down and will mediate a discussion. Another option is to notify someone who may talk with the guy individually, again, a counselor, a principal, or teacher, someone who will take time and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. Try to make sure they either say, “We have heard some inappropriate comments from you,” or “Some people have brought to our attention that…” Anything to exclude your name or part in this. You want them to allow him to know there is a problem and others are noticing the inappropriate behavior.

In addition to bringing others into the situation, like I mentioned above, you could try to be overly nice to this guy. This places you in a proactive position instead of a reactive one. I have heard multiple times that hate breeds hate. The only way to conquer hate is by love. It will be a very difficult task; it takes a big person to be kind to someone who is disrespectful. Kill him with kindness and see what happens.

Alex

Forced to Pray in School

Q: My parents send me to Catholic school, even though I don’t believe. The school forces everyone to pray and I don’t like it. I got detention on the first day of school for refusing to pray. Is this fair?

A: Unfortunately, life is not always fair. Did you deserve a detention strictly for not praying? Probably not, but you did not get a detention just for not praying – you got a detention for not following school policy. Most of the time, teachers and principals don’t take too kindly to students blatantly refusing to follow the rules or do what they are told. However, if you feel unjustly forced into professing something you don’t think you believe, then try this tomorrow during prayer: take a moment of silence. I spent two years working on a staff of religiously diverse individuals, from the most devout Catholics and Protestants, to the most adamant atheist I have ever met. Before each of our weekly meetings, we spent a moment in silence for reflection. Some of us prayed, others collected their thoughts, and we all used it as a moment to slow down and step away from our busy lives. A moment of silence is respectful both of those around you, who believe the prayers being said, as well as of you and your own personal beliefs. So tomorrow, when it comes time to pray, close your eyes and take the time to silently reflect on whatever you happen to be thinking. It also might be a good idea to mention to your teacher what you would like to do beforehand, so he or she doesn’t take it as silent insubordination!

Maureen D.

Dropping Out of School Because of Bullies

Q: I feel as if everyone hates me at school. I’m tired of being bullied. I feel like dropping out.

A: Don’t give up – I promise there is more to life than what lies inside your school walls. Unfortunately, you’ll never know if you give up and drop out now. Being bullied is a very hard thing to go through, and for having the strength to make it through this far I commend you. People often tell those of us who get picked on to tell a teacher or talk to the principle, but that doesn’t always work. So what do you do? Let’s look at this step-by-step.

First, bullies usually pick on people they see as “weak” or “unconfident.” People don’t usually single out the quarterback or valedictorian to make fun of. I have learned that the quickest way to make people stop picking on you is self-confidence. Easier said than done, eh? But it’s not as hard as you would think. When I first hit high school, I was scared to death. I had always been a pretty outgoing person, but I was never really classified as “cool.” People always made fun of my hair, or my clothes, or my complete lack of athletic ability. But I stopped worrying about what other people said or thought, and found something I loved to help me through – acting.

Now, I’ve never exactly been what you would call a good actress, but through drama I found a world I never knew existed – one where I was actually accepted for who I was, no questions asked. And somewhere between time on stage, in the chorus, and time backstage with the other actors and stage crew, I found the self-confidence and ability to let all those negative comments bounce right off of me that I never thought I’d have. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true – all you need is a little more self-confidence and the whole world can change for you!

So what’s the moral? No, not that drama can abolish bullies from schools all over the world – that’s just wishful thinking. Sadly, there will always be people who think they are better than you, and feel the need to prove it through cruelty. The point is, the only way they can make you feel bad about yourself is if you let them. So find something you love, something you can throw yourself into, and something you are (relatively) good at. Once you see you can actually do something worthwhile, and that you really are as special as God made you to be, you may be pleasantly surprised at how school suddenly doesn’t seem like such a task to get through. Who knows, you may even end up liking it!

Maureen D.

Ditching a Bad Reputation

Q: I’m 16 and I’m a junior in high school. During my freshman and sophomore years, I dated a lot of different guys. After a while, I started getting a bad reputation. Over the summer, I decided that I’ve had enough of that and decided not to date at all.

The problem is, I still have this reputation at school. No matter what I tell people, they won’t believe me. It’s so bad at school, I’ll be walking down the hall and guys will make really rude remarks and the girls all hate me. I’m tired of this, how am I supposed to make them believe me?

A: Stick with your new behavior and attitudes. Go out of your way to show that you've changed, but don’t act hypocritical about it. You can’t force people to think differently of you, but with time, hopefully this will happen. Act with purity of heart and charity. If others don’t notice your goodness, don’t lose hope. Your Father in heaven sees all that you do and forgives you. His approval is worth more than anything. Be patient, and the right person for you will come along.

Jenna

Is College for Everyone

Q: What I want to know is if it’s possible that college isn’t for everyone? I don’t think it’s for me.

A: College is not necessarily for everyone. There are a number of very successful jobs out there that do not require anything higher than a high school diploma, but there are also a large amount of jobs that require at least an associate’s (2-year) degree or a bachelor’s (4-year) degree. No one job is necessarily better than the next, just because you have to go to college for it. There are also a ton of different types of colleges – small or large, public or private, liberal arts or subject specific, trade schools – plenty of which are geared at training people for specific jobs, like culinary arts school for people who want to be chefs.

The important thing is to figure out some idea of what you want to do before deciding whether or not college is right for you. For example, if you want to be a rocket scientist or a teacher, both of which require a number of years in college, don’t give up just because you don’t think college is right for you! Look at your reasons behind shying away from college. Do you think you’re not smart enough? That college will be too expensive? That four more years of school seems overwhelming?

If college truly is not for you, there is nothing wrong with that. However, don’t talk yourself out of going to college because you might not feel adequate enough. Have faith in the intelligence and talents that God gave you, and give it a try! Doubting yourself is never a good reason to give up your goals and dreams.

Maureen D.

Copying Schoolwork

Q: I’m sort of smart and everyone wants to copy off of my homework. Most of the people who ask to copy are my friends. Just recently, I typed up my notes to study for my finals. It took me more than an hour. This girl asked me if she could run them off. I said yes. She ended up running off my notes for at least half of my class. That made me so mad. I spent a lot of my time on that, while everyone else just watched TV, talked on the phone, went shopping, etc. I really don’t think that’s fair!

What I want to know is how to tell people they can’t copy in a nice, considerate way without hurting their feelings or making them mad at me. Help!

A: It is not fair for others to count on you to do their work for them. I think it is best for you to explain your position and stand firm. People may tell you a sob story as to why they couldn't get something done, or give you an excuse as to why they didn't prepare their own study material, but you don’t need to let others benefit off of your time and efforts spent on academics. Tell them that you were taken advantage of last time with your notes getting spread among everyone and you don’t feel comfortable being put in that situation again.

Alex

Popularity and Good Friends

Q: I’m beginning a new year at school and I want to change my popularity status. I mean the popular girls have it so easy. All the boys love them; they look cool even in the ugliest outfits and no one makes fun of them. I have some pretty good friends, but they’re not in the right clique. Do you have any suggestion for becoming popular and making really close friends?

A: Well, my first question would be which is more important to you – being popular or having really close friends? This is not to say that you can’t do both, but consider the consequences for a moment. You currently have some pretty good friends, who happen to be in a different clique than the popular girls. Are you willing to risk throwing away these friendships and move on to the popular clique? Popularity doesn’t necessarily make good friends, and good friends don’t always have to be popular. One problem with popularity often comes in that age old saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Being popular may not end up being as grand as you imagine, so spend some time considering what you really want.

Either way you answer the question, confidence is the key to success. If you want to be popular, you have to believe in yourself that you can be all that you want to be. No more standing in front of the mirror criticizing every dot on your face, no more thinking you’ll never be good enough. Confidence is a very contagious and attractive quality, almost foolproof guaranteed to help you start wonderful, lasting friendships. A good sense of self-confidence starts with believing in yourself and your abilities, but also includes standing up for those beliefs.

Being a teenager can be a really scary confusing time, and different opportunities for new experiences seem to appear daily. Just remember: everything that’s popular isn’t always right, and everything that’s right isn’t always popular.

Maureen D.