My Mom Treats Me Like a Child

Q: My mom treats me like a kid even though I am 14. I think that she needs to loosen up. She tells me that I can’t wear certain clothes and doesn’t let me wear makeup. Should I put up with it or talk to her?

A: Fourteen is a rough age for many people. With high school comes a lot of new pressures – get good grades, have new experiences, strive for popularity. However, fourteen is also difficult for those of us watching you go through that difficult time. I remember being terrified when my sister went through middle school and into high school, because I hated the idea of seeing her make the mistakes and experience the heartbreaks that I had. Parents are the same way, especially mothers. Fourteen is an interesting age, because you're no longer a child, and yet not quite an adult – you are able to make some decisions on your own, but still rely on your parents for support. As such, you still need to respect their decisions and realize that they may disagree with you for good reasons.

My advice is to talk with your mom (in an adult-like manner, with no screaming or whining), and maybe try to come to some form of compromise over what clothes or makeup you can and cannot wear. Most importantly, listen to her and try to understand where she is coming from. Despite what we think, mothers want nothing but the best for us, so try to keep that in mind. No matter how the conversation ends up, what mom says goes (there’s that Fourth Commandment again), but hopefully by talking it over with her you’ll have a better understanding of why she won’t let you. And who knows, maybe you just might agree!

Maureen D.

Dealing With My Parent's Divorce

Q: My parents are getting a divorce, and everything they do feels like a choice between the two of them. I know they both caused this, but everything just feels so wrong. I am really scared that they might not get an annulment. What should I do? I don't want my parents to be divorced, but I especially don't want them to be divorced and their marriage not annulled. Our family is breaking, and I can't hear what God wants for my family. Please tell me how I might be able to talk to God during this time of turmoil.

A: As children of God, it is usually best if we approach Him just as that, a child. God is all loving, all just, and all merciful; He will listen to your prayers, and though He may not do precisely what you ask for, He knows that what you are really praying for is the best possible outcome in such circumstances as the ones you are in. If we come before Him humbly and wanting to accept His will, we can pray sincerely.

Tell God of what you are feeling and of what you want for yourself and your parents. He will listen to you; you are His child.

I’ve often had periods where I can’t feel God’s presence or hear what His will is; I’m sure everyone has experienced something similar at one point or another in their lives. This isn’t a bad thing, though! In fact, it is a blessing, as Jesus tells us in John 20:29:

Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

Also, I would strongly recommend praying to the following saints and asking them to offer their own prayers for your family, especially your parents. St. John Francis Regis, the patron saint of marriage, St. Gengulf, the patron saint of unhappy marriages, and St. Monica, the patron saint of married women. All of these wonderful saints will be more than willing to help you and your family. The Holy Family would also be happy to pray for you; all you have to do is ask. Mary and Joseph were the holiest married couple.

If you can, I’d recommend talking to a priest – your pastor, maybe, or another priest whom you trust – and ask for his advice on the matter. Priests are here to help guide us, so I would strongly encourage you to take advantage of that. He could tell you more about the possibilities of an annulment and the process as well, along with giving you spiritual help.

I wish you and your family the best and you'll be in my prayers. God bless!

~ Rain

My Mom Treats Me Like a Kid

Q: My mom treats me like a kid even though I am 14. I think that she needs to loosen up. She tells me that I can’t wear certain clothes and doesn’t let me wear makeup. Should I put up with it or talk to her?

A: Fourteen is a rough age for many people. With high school comes a lot of new pressures – get good grades, have new experiences, strive for popularity. However, fourteen is also difficult for those of us watching you go through that difficult time. I remember being terrified when my sister went through middle school and into high school, because I hated the idea of seeing her make the mistakes and experience the heartbreaks that I had. Parents are the same way, especially mothers. Fourteen is an interesting age, because you are no longer a child, and yet not quite an adult – you are able to make some decisions on your own, but still rely on your parents for support. As such, you still need to respect their decisions and realize that they may disagree with you for good reasons.

My advice is to talk with your mom (in an adult-like manner, with no screaming or whining), and maybe try to come to some form of compromise over what clothes or makeup you can and cannot wear. Most importantly, listen to her and try to understand where she is coming from. Despite what we think, mothers want nothing but the best for us, so try to keep that in mind. No matter how the conversation ends up, what mom says goes (there’s that Fourth Commandment again), but hopefully by talking it over with her you’ll have a better understanding of why she won’t let you. And who knows, maybe you just might agree!

Maureen D.

Nose Piercing and Parents

Q: I came home from the mall with a fake stick-on nose stud and my parents went ballistic. I say it is my body and if I want my nose pierced then it’s my decision to make. They say that I am disrespectful. So, what’s wrong with piercing your nose?

A: The problem here is not necessarily the act of piercing your nose. For the record, simply piercing your nose is not sinful or perhaps even against God’s will, but going against your parents’ wishes is. If your parents are against you getting your nose pierced, talk to them. Their reasons for not wanting more holes in your nose than God put there may be legitimate concerns. But before you talk to your parents, sit down and think long and hard about why you want to have your nose pierced. Body piercing is not the most pleasant experience, and there are multiple health repercussions associated with them including scarring, infection, and disease.

Regardless of your reasons and the possible risks, the bottom line is that if your parents would feel disrespected by you piercing your nose, then it’s out of the question. The Fourth Commandment states, “Honor thy father and thy mother,” so there’s no way of getting around doing what your parents want – or not doing what they don’t want. Besides, is ruining your relationship with your parents really worth a piece of metal in your nose?

Maureen D.

Getting Along With My Mom

Q: My mom and I don’t get along all that great. I really love her, but I don’t think she realizes it. She thinks that I’m selfish and self-centered. I don’t want to be selfish. It’s just that we just disagree on everything. What can I do?

A: This is a hard situation to be in, but there are a few things that can be done to start mending the gap between you and your mom. I know it must be difficult to feel this way about your mom, and I hope you know that she loves you too. The problem you are facing now is one that many people face at least once in their life. One way to help communicate to your mother that you really love her and are not selfish is to do little things around your house. I know it sounds weird, but things like vacuuming around your house without being asked communicates that you care. Little acts of kindness go a long way; make a cup of tea or a pot of coffee for her when she comes home.

Change is a hard thing to do, especially when it deals with communication. Starting the change with your actions opens the door to better verbal communication. Once that door is open, you can let your mother know you appreciate her with your words and actions. Ask your mom if the two of you can go out for dessert, or coffee, hot chocolate, etc. Ask her questions about her personal life. How did she get started at her job? What did she study in school and why? The more questions you ask, the more information and better understanding you get. Every year I learn more things about my parents that I had no idea they did, or thought. It is a wonderful way to get to know one another better.

I don’t know if you and your mother get into arguments, or verbal battles, but if you do be quick to apologize. I usually wait about ten minutes after an argument and then go apologize. I say something like, “I am sorry about blowing up a little while ago. It’s just that I felt attacked about _______ and I didn’t really mean that.” Remember, it will not be an easy or a quick transition, but if you work at it, and make multiple efforts a week to improve on your relationship it will slowly start to get better.

Alex

Material Stuff vs. God

Q: My parents and their friends seem to be really into all the stuff they own. I mean, I don’t mind living in a real nice house and driving a cool car, but it just seems like they put too much importance on material stuff. Does God want us to be rich or should we give it all away?

A: Start by concentrating on yourself. How much importance do you place on your material possessions? Are you a good example to others? Even though you’re just a kid, your example can make a big impact.

How much should we give away depends on how much we have. Some people believe that God asks us to give 10% of what we have. This is called tithing. An example in the Bible is in Genesis 14:20b, “And Abram gave him a tenth of everything.” Other examples can be found in Genesis 28:20-23 and 1 Samuel 8:15-17.

The important thing is to figure out if we place our material wealth before God. Do you give with a free heart? Do you give at all? Are you sincere? All of the possessions we have now will be meaningless when we die.

One more word of advice, keep all labels off of your things. They are not of enough importance and only encourage materialism.

Amanda

Rebelling Against Parents

Q: Ever since I hit the age of about 11, I've struggled with rebellious thoughts and actions against my parents. I know it's wrong -- I've found several verses in the Bible on it, but sometimes I just cannot help it. My parents drive me crazy, creating rules that seem to hold me back from what I can be. I wish they would just leave me alone at times and let me just make my own decisions. Not all, but most.

I love my parents, but they're always worrying about my safety. I understand they care about me and want to protect me, but I can't do what I feel God is leading me to do without them interfering. It doesn't make sense! I will do the same things/go the same places when I am 18.

I'm talking about going around the world telling people about Jesus, down to the deep dark places where God is needed the most. I'm restless and want to make a difference, but I can't do that with my parents always concerned of my safety and well-being. How can I become content of where I am now? Should I focus on studying the Bible and strengthening my relationship and walk with Christ? (By the way, I'm a Christian but not Catholic.) However, it's hard for me to be content with just that. Any suggestions?

By the way, I think this is an awesome thing you are doing!!! Thank you so much. What a great idea.


A: This is definitely a good question you’re asking, something that all teenagers face during these years. I do, for one. I’m glad you’ve decided to deal with this matter in a good way!

In the Bible, Luke 2:42-52, it says this about Jesus and his parents, Mary and Joseph: “And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed its days, as they were returning, the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, ‘Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.’ And he said to them, ‘Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?’ But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus advanced (in) wisdom and age and favor before God and man.”

In these Bible verses, Jesus shows us another way that we can imitate him: by obeying and honoring our parents. The story of Jesus in the Temple is a great example of why it is beneficial to obey the rules of our parents, as long as it is in accordance with the commandments of God.

Notice that in the story Jesus responded to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” Jesus, though he was a child of 12, was where he was called to be: in the Temple with his Father, talking with God’s people. But still he respected his parents, came back with them to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. And this is an interesting part: it says what followed, right after he obeyed his parents, “And Jesus advanced (in) wisdom and age and favor before God and man.”

By obeying and respecting our parents like Jesus did, we are not only becoming more like Jesus, but we also gain wisdom and favor before God and man. It is a struggle: Jesus, after all, was sinless; we cannot possibly succeed in obeying our parents perfectly without fail. But it is worth it in the end, to do our best to respect our parents and in return to gain respect from them and from God.

With that said, what you’re feeling now is understandable: you want to do what you feel God is calling you to do. You want to go out on spread the Gospel! That is an amazing vocation, one that could take you many places—I encourage you to keep praying about it. But God also knows that you need to be prepared to fulfill your vocation, and that’s what this time in your life is about. It’s about finding out who you really are, what you need to do to be the person God’s calling you to be. And it’s not all going to happen in a day— remember, Jesus was 30 when he went out to sow his seeds into peoples’ hearts: you definitely have plenty of time.

In the meantime, to get prepared for what you feel God is calling you to do and to be content with where you are, I suggest looking around your church to see if there are any sort of ministries/outreaches you could join: see if you’re cut out for converting people who are in your same area. If you find there are none, why not start one? If you’re not already going to a Bible study, join one: learn what you’re preaching. What about if you helped out a charity or a soup kitchen? That way you show an example of Jesus without saying a word. Get as much into it as you can, so you can grow in experience and mature in your faith.

If you think your parents wouldn’t approve (though I can’t see why not), try to explain rationally to your parents what you want to do, reason with them, hear what they think, and try to look at what they’re saying from their point of view. By that, you show you’re mature enough, to not only think rationally, but to share the faith with others on your own, and hopefully strong enough to endure the sorrows that may come along with it. Maybe they’ll even be less worried about you. And also remember that your parents need your prayers, too.

I hope everything works out for you!

God Bless,
Catherine

I Promise Not to Tell

Q. My sister stayed out way past her curfew and made me promise not to tell. Is it lying not to tell my parents?

A: It is not lying, however, it is omission. Try to be honest and upfront, but do not become an enemy to your siblings. Suggest to your sister that she tell your parents herself about her behavior. It is more her place to tell them than it is yours. Explain how she was wrong and why it would be beneficial for her to confess. Admitting to a wrong is the first part to fixing the problem. Be mindful of your sister’s wants, but be realistic at the same time.

Jenna

Church is Boring

Q: Church is too boring, but I have to go according to my parents. So is there anything I can do to make it more interesting?

A: Don’t worry, that’s not an unusual feeling for us as teens. A way that I try to make it more interesting is by going to Mass every week, and trying to learn more about my faith. I also attend Bible studies and a charismatic youth group that helps me to grow on a spiritual level and deepens my faith (it’s also more appealing to me at my age). It has been my experience, hearing from my parents that most teens go through a time of wondering, “Why am I here? What am I getting out of this?” but as you continue to deepen your faith and grow as a Catholic, the Mass begins to have more meaning to you personally. Just don’t give up on it, look into books about the faith, or Catholic Bible studies in your area that could help you understand more and aid you in growing spiritually.

Ashley

Tattoos and Parents

Q: I think tattoos are cool, but my parents hate them. We fight over this constantly. I want to be my own person, but my parents won’t let me get a tattoo. It makes me really angry. What should I do?

A: Okay, I’m a teen who also at one time wanted a tattoo. I also went through the fights with my parents about the tattoo. They kept asking me a question (and I think that it has finally sunk in), “How would I feel about being 60-years old and have my grandchildren ask me about the tattoo on my back that I got when I was 18?” Plus, most people who have tattoos regret ever getting them and blame it on a stage they went through as a teen.

There are many ways of expressing yourself that don’t involve something as permanent as a tattoo. Think of alternatives. A compromise may be a henna tattoo. They last for about 2 weeks and you can get them re-applied, but they aren’t permanent.

Ashley