Teen Summer: What to Do, What to Avoid

Q: What do teenagers do during the summer? I was hoping maybe you could give me a few hints as to what I should be looking for and what to avoid. A little advice would go a long way right now. Thank you in advance.

A: Well first off, I don’t think there’s any set activities that teens have to do during the summer! It really depends on the individual. I myself enjoy just hanging with friends, maybe at their house or the youth center in my town. I also enjoy the occasional game of tennis or golf, but that’s just me. I would say just do what you enjoy doing. Another tip is to get involved in your youth group, if your town or parish has an active one. They’ll certainly give you more ways to spend your time.

As for what you should avoid, I could say the obvious (drinking, drugs, etc.), but that would be of little use to you. Avoid relationships that aren’t genuine. By that I mean don’t lower your standards just to make more “friends”. It’s a mistake I’ve seen plenty of people make, and it always leads to that individual feeling used, unloved, and depressed. This is the type of “friend” that leads people to making bad decisions like the ones I listed above. Make sure you have friends that will stay with you no matter what, help you in your times of need, and most importantly respect you for who you are. I am fortunate enough to have such friends, and believe me, it’s the only way to go. They make it difficult for me to ever not find anything to do during the summer!

Enjoy your summer!

Tyler

Video Games Evil?

Q: I would like to know if it's okay to play a video game that has wizards in it. A person gets powers, etc. for getting certain objects. The game is mostly action and a person mostly wouldn’t know this unless they read the theme of the game. This might seem like a silly question, but I was wondering.

A: The main problem with this is that the Church teaches that magic, sorcery, and related superstitions are wrong. On the surface, this doesn’t make it wrong to play a video game involving wizards. However, you have to be very careful not to let such games influence you in the wrong way. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, “Users should practice moderation and discipline in their approach to the mass media. They will want to form enlightened and correct consciences the more easily to resist unwholesome influences.” (CCC, 2496) Basically, that means that if you’re frequently exposed to what might be a bad influence, you might be less inclined to think it wrong if it came up in real life.

So while there’s nothing directly sinful about playing this sort of game by itself, it is a good idea to find another one.

Michael

Preaching in Public School

Q: The Bible says that we should go out and spread the word of Jesus. But I go to public school and it is against the law to talk about Jesus in school. That isn’t freedom of religion. What do I do?

A: It is not against the law to spread the word of Jesus, however, tact is needed. You don’t need to broadcast it throughout the school, or make a television announcement about it. The easiest ways to spread the Word of God is by dropping small hints during conversation and by your own moral example. Sometimes it’s best to evangelize by just letting others watch how you act and have them realize what they’re missing. Forcing religion and God onto others often makes them turn away. You have to be kind, welcoming, and supportive. You have to make them interested; you have to show them how great it is to know God. As St. Francis said, “Preach the Gospel always and when necessary use words.”

Jenna

Selling My Soul to the Devil

Q: My mother is sick with cancer and I was having a bad day myself with a lot of problems going on and I said that if my problems would go away and my mother would get better that I would give the devil my soul. Is it really possible that I gave the devil my soul? If I did, is there anything I could do to get it back?

A: The devil tries to distract us, to con us, tempt us, and trick us from getting into heaven. Some people choose to ignore God’s call, while others choose to follow. Some people choose to follow a path of darkness. In this case, I don’t think you gave your soul to the devil; your soul belongs to God. We do not have the authority over our souls to place them into heaven or hell. We have the way we carry out our lives to show where we would like to end up, but the ultimate judgment lies with God alone.

Jesus Christ was crucified. He died, and rose from the dead to conquer all of our sins. If you think you have done something wrong (anything) you have the opportunity to repent through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. One of the most beautiful things with God is that no matter how badly we mess up, if we are truly sorry in our hearts and ask for forgiveness, God will grant it.

Alex

My Mom Treats Me Like a Kid

Q: My mom treats me like a kid even though I am 14. I think that she needs to loosen up. She tells me that I can’t wear certain clothes and doesn’t let me wear makeup. Should I put up with it or talk to her?

A: Fourteen is a rough age for many people. With high school comes a lot of new pressures – get good grades, have new experiences, strive for popularity. However, fourteen is also difficult for those of us watching you go through that difficult time. I remember being terrified when my sister went through middle school and into high school, because I hated the idea of seeing her make the mistakes and experience the heartbreaks that I had. Parents are the same way, especially mothers. Fourteen is an interesting age, because you are no longer a child, and yet not quite an adult – you are able to make some decisions on your own, but still rely on your parents for support. As such, you still need to respect their decisions and realize that they may disagree with you for good reasons.

My advice is to talk with your mom (in an adult-like manner, with no screaming or whining), and maybe try to come to some form of compromise over what clothes or makeup you can and cannot wear. Most importantly, listen to her and try to understand where she is coming from. Despite what we think, mothers want nothing but the best for us, so try to keep that in mind. No matter how the conversation ends up, what mom says goes (there’s that Fourth Commandment again), but hopefully by talking it over with her you’ll have a better understanding of why she won’t let you. And who knows, maybe you just might agree!

Maureen D.

Tired of Being a Nobody

Q: I’m tired of being a nobody. I want to be cool and popular, but it seems that all the popular kids at school spend way too much time cutting down other people. I don’t want to be cool just by pointing out how uncool everyone else is. So, how do I get noticed without being mean?

A: To be noticed, be especially friendly and self-giving. Have other people notice that there is something different and special about you. Be a positive example, and people will naturally be attracted to you. People will crave your difference. Don’t give in to conformity. Create your own person, and your own standards. That is far more important than popularity.

Jenna

Why Do Catholics Go to Confession

Q: Why do I have to tell my sins to a priest? Why can’t I just tell Jesus myself? Isn’t it better to go straight to God with your problems?

A: In John 20:22-23, Jesus makes it clear that confession is a very important sacrament, “And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” In this verse Jesus passes on the power of forgiving sins to the Apostles, who are the first priests of the Catholic Church. It also states that He breathes on them. The only other time that God breathes on us is in Genesis 2:7 when he breathes a living soul into the first man. This emphasizes how important the sacrament is.

Also, you never have to worry about the priest telling anyone your sins because if he does then he will be excommunicated. In the Sacrament of Confession, also called Reconciliation or Penance, God forgives your sins through the priest. When you tell your sins to a priest you are actually whispering in the ear of Christ, so really you are going straight to God with your problems.

Christian

Petty Theft and the Seventh Commandment

Q: I work in an ice cream parlor part time. After hours we help ourselves to all the ice cream we want without paying. Is that really stealing? Everyone does it and our boss doesn’t pay us what we’re worth anyway.

A: Yes, that is stealing, which is against the seventh commandment.

The Catholic Church teaches that in some circumstances, you may be less responsible for a bad thing you do. For example, if you hurt someone because they’re trying to kill you, you’re less responsible for the act itself, but that doesn’t make it right. This doesn’t apply in your case – and even if it did, it still wouldn’t make it the right thing to do.

We read in the Bible, “He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and he who is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much.” (Lk. 16:10) This is great advice. If it is easy for you to steal ice cream today, it will be easier for you to steal big things in the future.
If you don’t think you’re getting paid what you’re worth, it would be a much better, and much more Christian idea, to get a new job than to steal from your boss.

Michael

Is Getting Buzzed a Sin

Q: I learned in school that using mind-altering drugs is a mortal sin. Is it right that drinking is not a sin, but getting drunk is? If so, is getting high a mortal sin? What if I’m just getting buzzed using marijuana?

A: Drinking is not inherently an evil act. If it was, Jesus probably would have used grape juice at the Last Supper. However, getting drunk is considered a grave offense, not because of the alcohol but because of the excess. The Catechism of the Catholic Church shows that the problem with getting drunk is not in the act of drinking, but in the act of drinking too much. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, and it refers to any form of excess, or extreme and unnecessary indulgence – food, alcohol, medicine, etc. Drinking in excess places you in danger of being physically harmed, as well as to the people around you. (CCC, 2290)

The Catechism also covers the use of drugs under its section on respect for health. “The use of drugs inflicts very grave damage on human health and life. Their use, except on strictly therapeutic grounds, is a grave offense. Clandestine production of and trafficking in drugs are scandalous practices. They constitute direct co-operation in evil, since they encourage people to practices gravely contrary to the moral law.” (CCC, 2291) The Catechism clearly states the Church’s recognition that mind-altering substances are an offense to our life and health, which the Catholic Church views as “gifts entrusted to us by God” (CCC, 2288). Sorry, but there seems to be no real way of getting around it – even if you are only getting buzzed.

Maureen D.

How Can I Be Free of Sin

Q: How can I be free from my life of sin? I love God, but why do I always sin? I am feeling depressed because I think I am a failure. I always fail God. When I ask for forgiveness, I feel that I am just lying to God because deep inside me, I feel that I might do it again.

A: You sound like you are being very honest with yourself, and really want to change. St. Augustine said, “We hate the sin, but love it at the same time.” It’s hard to change, but you have made the first step.

Go to confession. Even if you’re not a Catholic you can go under certain conditions. You may feel nervous, or even scared to tell your sins to a priest, but that’s okay. I go almost every week and every time I’m so nervous that I have to pray for enough courage so that I don’t chicken out at the last second. Afterwards, I feel relief that I am forgiven and loved. The Sacrament of Reconciliation gives us several gifts: spiritual guidance, certainty of forgiveness, humility. It helps us to overcome self-deception in matters of sin, strengthens our self-control, and gives us special graces that will help us avoid sin in the future.

There is a really great CD you can listen to on confession, simply called Confessions by Father Larry Richards. You can receive a free copy by linking here.

Christian

God or the Girl

Q: I sometimes think that God wants me to be a priest, but I am in love with a girl. Am I wrong to ignore this feeling that I should be a priest? How do I know what God wants?

A: Knowing and understanding God’s plan for your life is difficult and confusing. He often doesn’t show us what He wants for us until He is ready. Don’t ignore the calling that you feel from God. Talk to the girl that you are in love with, as difficult as this will be, and explain to her that you are going to do what God is calling you to do. She may not understand right away, but in time all things work out for the best when we listen to God and do what He wants us to do.

Tom

Do Annulments Make Children Illegitimate

Q: My parents are divorced and the Church annulled their marriage. Doesn’t that make me illegitimate?

A: This does not make you illegitimate (Canon 1137). Your parents gave birth to you while they were legally married. Even though the Church no longer recognizes their marriage as sacramental, it did exist civilly. That is, their marriage did in fact take place, but it was not fully blessed due to some problem at the time they exchanged vows.

Jenna

Too Overwhelming to Read the Whole Bible

Today's question has two team members answering ...

Q: How do I go about reading the Bible? It looks too overwhelming to read it all at once. What are the most important books to read? How do I start?

A1: If you just want to read the entire Bible, I’d suggest taking a few minutes every morning to read a few passages, starting with Genesis and going through the entire Old and New Testaments. (Or, of course, if you’re particularly interested in one book, you can focus on that.) You can mark down the passages you find really interesting (in a different notebook, especially if the Bible is not your own copy). When you’ve finished, you can go back and read the ones you marked or even start on rereading it. You can also look up any questions you have or words you don’t know.

A helpful book for you might be My Daily Catholic Bible edited by Paul Thigpen [Our Sunday Visitor]. It has 20-minute readings that allow you to read the whole Bible in one year.

But the easiest way to take in the entire Bible, might just be to go to daily Mass. If you go to Mass every day for three years, you’ll have heard and read the entire Bible through the daily readings (Liturgy of the Word).

Another thing I’d suggest is to find a good Catholic Bible study that can help you learn the connections between the Catechism and the Bible. I’m in one at a church in my neighborhood, and it’s really helped me to understand more about the Bible that I didn’t before.

Michael


A2: In terms of which books are more important, I found the answer in the Second Edition of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. According to the Catechism, the books of both the New Testament and the Old Testament are equally important, due to the divine inspiration that lead to their creation. Both Testaments influence one another, working together to provide God’s Truth to us. “As an old saying put it, the New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old Testament is unveiled in the New” (CCC, 129). However, the Catechism recognizes the Gospels as the center of the Sacred Scriptures, because Christ is their focus (CCC, 139).

The Bible is one of the oldest and most influential books of all time. It tells the story of God and of ourselves, from our creation to our salvation. It offers valuable insight into how to live a full life, be a good person, and find joy in God. There is no wrong way to read the Scriptures, so try not to worry about “doing it right” – just take your time, and enjoy it. However, if you would like some form of guidance in starting on your journey through the past, here are some tips for reading the Bible, which I have found useful in the past.

When reading the Scriptures, one logical place to start is in the beginning (no pun intended). Simply find some time, sit down, open up to page one of Genesis and start reading. If you prefer the Psalms to the Book of Genesis, start there – or Sirach, or Proverbs, or the Gospel according to Mark – which book you begin with is really inconsequential. Take it at your own pace – start with a few paragraphs at a time, or even read a chapter every day. The important part of reading the Bible is not to get through it, but to understand it and walk away with some form of knowledge you did not have before.

Remember: you are not the first person to read the Bible, so talk to your parents, friends, or priest about anything you may find interesting or disconcerting. Good luck and enjoy!

Maureen D.

Stuff to Do on Summer Break

Q: I’m bored. Can you suggest anything I can do during summer break?

A: Summer break is the greatest time of the year, no school, no homework, and no teachers. It’s like a three-month-long Saturday morning, only without all of the cartoons. Unfortunately, there is such a thing as too much free time. So how do you fill those long hours of boredom? Here are just a few suggestions of things to do this summer break:

Start a club. Realize that you are not the only person looking for something to do over summer break. Why not bring your friends over and tackle boredom together? If you believe the old saying that two heads are better than one, imagine how many fun things four or five heads can come up with! But to start a club, you have to have a purpose. Maybe you could start a Random Acts of Kindness Club whose members do nice things for people in your neighborhood, like helping the older woman across the street plant flowers or walking the dog for your neighbor who broke his leg.

Get a job. Not all jobs have to be boring or involve sitting inside all day. Try working for an ice cream store, or caddying at a local golf club. Too young to get “a real job”? Don’t dismay – make up one of your own! Start a lawn mowing service, or a dog walking business. As long as your job involves something you can have fun doing, it’s a great way to spend some of that free time, while making a little money on the side.

Volunteer. Summer is the perfect time to become a volunteer in your community. Offer to help with your church’s summer Bible camp, or volunteer to work at the zoo a few times a week. See if any local day-care centers are in need of students to help out during lunch or naptime. Become a tutor for kids you know who have a difficult time with math, or reading, or spelling – something you’re lucky enough to be good at. Or volunteer to deliver flowers at the local hospital. There are tons of things for you to do over summer break – just use your imagination.

Maureen D.

Dealing with Anger Issues

Q. I have so much anger. I always seem to let it out on the people I love most. I'm trying to change but I can't. I feel so hopeless like I'm never going to be able to change who I am. I feel like I should just give up trying. Can someone help me out with this?

A. Emotions are the hardest things to control, and I find what leads to them is pride. We often take things into our own hands instead of turning our trials to God, and then we get ourselves into heaps of trouble. I am glad that you recognize what your obstacles in life are; that’s a gift, because often people are blind to the cons of their actions and emotions.

Now, getting back to the pride issue; it's fundamental to always be thinking about what you’re going to do before you do it. Before saying a word, think about it. And pray about it. When things seem unconquerable, pray to God. If we humans can't overcome our troubles, then we need divine help, and we find that in Jesus Christ. So, pray, pray, pray! Prayer creates your relationship with God, increasing your love for Him and, at the same time, for others.

Confessing your anger often will also help tremendously. Great graces can be found through going to Confession. Baring your soul in such a way causes a wonderful realization that we humans are weak, but God is there to help.

Remember that things often get worse before they get better, but perseverance and prayer, confession and trust in God will defeat all barriers of sin in our lives.

As a closing, I’d like to include two Bible verses which are two of my favorites.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10)

God bless.
Lorraine

Catholics and Fashion

Q: I normally wear a brown scapular. But I like to wear clothes from Aeropostale and Abercrombie. A lot of people tell me that it is clinging to the world and not living like Jesus. I don't wear the clothes to impress, I just like the way they fit and the way they look. What do I do?

A: Good for you for wearing a scapular! I must confess, every time I’ve tried to wear one, it would irritate me endlessly and I’d take it off after a few days. Anyway, hope I can answer your question!

Clothes have always been important, ever since Adam and Eve’s fashionable, “environmentally-friendly” fig-leaf loincloths. Fashions have come and gone throughout the ages. We all know what it’s like today. People tell us what to wear, how to wear it, why to wear it, and to not care what it’ll cost us, whether it be money or our dignity.

But what does the Bible say about it? 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, "Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God."

Mind you, that doesn’t mean you can’t dress fashionably or wear jewelry. Peter is just reminding us that the external is not what’s important—it’s your “hidden character” that’s important. If you’re dirty inside, your apparel will reflect that mindset. In the same way, if you’re holy inside, your apparel should represent it—if not, then you don’t know the meaning of true beauty and modesty.

In your case, I understand you like Aeropostale and Abercrombie—not to impress, but for the comfort. But people are judging you for it, claiming it’s too worldly. What to do? One thing they have to realize is, no matter what you wear, it was considered “worldly” at one time. Believe it or not, your grandma’s clothes were fashionable at one time—and they may come back into fashion! Even the Jews had their own clothing clique (albeit very modest).

But, on the other hand, those people may have a point, depending upon how immodest your clothes are—upon how much they attract people to your body and not your personality. For girls: really tight clothes, cleavage, and lots of skin. For boys: sleeveless shirts, extremely tight “emo” pants, and way too baggy pants, “showing off” their boxers (by the way, guys, this is not in any way attractive).

If your clothes fit one of those descriptions, do yourself a favor and get a new wardrobe (I recommend Good Will highly)! Though they will attract people to you, you have to ask yourself: what type of people do I want to attract? Do you want people who will like you for your body and choice of clothes, or people who will respect you and love your personality?

Plus, you might want to consider how Abercrombie & Fitch advertises itself. “Immodest” and “inappropriate” are understatements. Go to their website and see for yourself. Then ask yourself: do I want people to think of images like that when they look at me? Do I want to be wearing a brand that promotes itself like this? Think about it; it’s your decision.

Through all the fashions that come and go, always remember these words in Ephesians: “Put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace. In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all (the) flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Put on the armor of God! If you wear that, you’ll awe people with your inner beauty shining forth. They’ll forget all about judging your clothes.

God Bless,
Catherine

Supporting Pro-Life

Q: I'm a 15 year old girl who goes to a Catholic High School. I was sitting in religion class and talking with my friend who's not Catholic. The teacher was having an open discussion and the question of abortion came up. Everyone in the class, including the teacher, was saying how we all believe abortion is morally and utterly wrong. We agreed that it is such a horrible tragedy. Well, my non-Catholic friend whispered to me, "I'm pro-choice." I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. Caught in the moment, I quickly responded, "I'm not," and we dropped the subject. When the issue of abortion comes up in religion class, my friend always starts shaking her head and getting annoyed. I want to tell her why I'm so pro-life and why there shouldn't be abortions, but I don't know how. I've said a few things like, "Everyone should have the chance to live," etc., but ... I don't know. I always thought about doing stuff in the pro-life movement when I get older, for I'm extremely saddened by abortion, but not even being able to handle this ... I feel like I'll never be good at working for the pro-life movement. Any suggestions on what to say or do? Thanks!

A: There are two things that really help when you're talking with people about abortion: questions and education. When your friend says she's pro-choice, ask her what she thinks that means. She might not have a full understanding of what being "pro-choice" is. Ask her questions like: What are we allowing women to choose? Why should an innocent baby die because of the actions of adults? If you let your friend explain her position, maybe she will come to realize the truth on her own. The second thing you need to do is educate yourself. Learn as much as you can about abortion, so when your friends have questions, you will have answers. Also, don't be afraid to say, "I don't know". A wise person will admit to not knowing and then will spend time researching to find an answer. This is better than making something up that sounds good. There are many great websites with tons of information about abortion. Some of my favorites are: Students for Life, National Right to Life, and Abortion Facts.

Probably the best thing you can do to support the pro-life cause is to act pro-life. "Preach the Gospel always and when necessary use words." Live as a person who loves not only their own life, but the lives of everybody around them. Speak with patience and care, be a friend to those who society rejects, and most importantly, pray. Pray for those who unjustly suffer from the hands of others, and pray for the souls of those who cause the suffering.

Never allow the demon of discouragement to keep you from doing what is right. Keep the faith; know that abortion will end someday and that your help is needed.

Peace,
Paul

Finals, College, and the Rest of My Life

Q: I am freaking out over my life. Finals are coming up and I go off to college next year. How am I supposed to know what to do with my life? What if I mess up in school and mess up my whole life?

A: Transitions in life are always somewhat frightening, so don’t feel like you are the only person who feels this way. Most people are not sure what they should be doing at this time, and there can be a lot of pressure from parents or others to go to college, or make other decisions that you are not sure about. You shouldn’t worry about messing up your whole life. Even if things go badly, there will be plenty of chances for you to take a different path. Don’t make a decision simply based on what others are telling you, try to do what you think is best for you life and what you feel God is calling you to.

On the other hand, your parents receive a lot of wisdom from God. They probably have some ideas that you don’t necessarily see the value of right now, but trust your parents and realize that they do have a pretty good idea of what is best for you.

Tom

Nose Piercing and Parents

Q: I came home from the mall with a fake stick-on nose stud and my parents went ballistic. I say it is my body and if I want my nose pierced then it’s my decision to make. They say that I am disrespectful. So, what’s wrong with piercing your nose?

A: The problem here is not necessarily the act of piercing your nose. For the record, simply piercing your nose is not sinful or perhaps even against God’s will, but going against your parents’ wishes is. If your parents are against you getting your nose pierced, talk to them. Their reasons for not wanting more holes in your nose than God put there may be legitimate concerns. But before you talk to your parents, sit down and think long and hard about why you want to have your nose pierced. Body piercing is not the most pleasant experience, and there are multiple health repercussions associated with them including scarring, infection, and disease.

Regardless of your reasons and the possible risks, the bottom line is that if your parents would feel disrespected by you piercing your nose, then it’s out of the question. The Fourth Commandment states, “Honor thy father and thy mother,” so there’s no way of getting around doing what your parents want – or not doing what they don’t want. Besides, is ruining your relationship with your parents really worth a piece of metal in your nose?

Maureen D.

Grandparents Living with Teens

Q: My grandma is coming to live with us and I’m not too happy about it. My grandma used to be pretty cool; she always told the funniest stories. Now she is sickly and dying. It is just too hard to see her that way. It’s like she’s not even my grandma anymore. How do I deal with this?

A: Look at it as a way to be a servant, and to see Jesus. It may be hard, but like Mother Teresa said, “You can see the face of Jesus in everyone you meet.” As a teenager, it is a great humbling experience. Your grandmother is a blessing, not a burden. It is very special that your family has the opportunity to take her into your home instead of having to put her in a nursing home. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you like to be treated if you were her? Maybe you could talk to her about the things that you used to do and the fun times you used to have. Make her feel important and let her know that she means something to you.

Ashley