Teen Summer: What to Do, What to Avoid

Q: What do teenagers do during the summer? I was hoping maybe you could give me a few hints as to what I should be looking for and what to avoid. A little advice would go a long way right now. Thank you in advance.

A: Well first off, I don’t think there’s any set activities that teens have to do during the summer! It really depends on the individual. I myself enjoy just hanging with friends, maybe at their house or the youth center in my town. I also enjoy the occasional game of tennis or golf, but that’s just me. I would say just do what you enjoy doing. Another tip is to get involved in your youth group, if your town or parish has an active one. They’ll certainly give you more ways to spend your time.

As for what you should avoid, I could say the obvious (drinking, drugs, etc.), but that would be of little use to you. Avoid relationships that aren’t genuine. By that I mean don’t lower your standards just to make more “friends”. It’s a mistake I’ve seen plenty of people make, and it always leads to that individual feeling used, unloved, and depressed. This is the type of “friend” that leads people to making bad decisions like the ones I listed above. Make sure you have friends that will stay with you no matter what, help you in your times of need, and most importantly respect you for who you are. I am fortunate enough to have such friends, and believe me, it’s the only way to go. They make it difficult for me to ever not find anything to do during the summer!

Enjoy your summer!

Tyler

Just Friends

Q: Can two people of the opposite sex be close friends without being intimate?

A: Yes, people of the opposite sex can be friends without being intimate. Many are actually best friends and nothing ever develops into a physical relationship. However, one must be careful about what they say and do in the presence of the other person to keep things at a friendship level. There is a fine line between intimate and “just friends.” Not all people are able to succeed in such friendships. Ask God to help if you are struggling in such a situation.

Jenna

Catholics Going to Non-Catholic Churches

Q: My best friend and I like to spend the night at each other’s houses a lot. If she spends the night at my house on Saturday then she goes to church with my family on Sunday. But if I spend the night at her house on Saturday, my parents won’t let me go to church with her family because she isn’t Catholic. I don’t see what the big deal is; church is church.

A: If that is the rule, then you should respect your parents. The Protestant church service doesn't fulfill our Sunday obligation as Catholics. They don't have the Eucharist. The rule around my house (because I have a lot of Protestant friends) was that I had to go to my church first, fulfill my obligation, and then I could go to my friend’s church. You should also be able to defend your faith if you are ever put into a situation at your friend’s church that would call you to.

Ashley

Up Against Peer Pressure

Q: Can you tell me some possible ways to defend yourself against peer pressure?

A: Set firm standards for yourself and create a reputation based on them. Find a friend who shares the same morals as you and create a “buddy system.” Keep each other in line with the standards you have set.

Accountability plays a huge role in peer pressure situations. Check up on each other from time to time and offer support.

Jenna

Sixteen: Keep My Baby or Give Up for Adoption

Q: My best friend is 16 and about 5 months pregnant. Before, she had her mind set on adoption, but now she wants to keep it. I am strongly against this because I believe it is going to ruin her life as she knows it as well as her future. I know that she needs a lot of support and someone to be there and listen to her, but I don't think I could bare to allow her to keep it. Should I intervene? And if so, how should I do it?

A: As I write this, my four year old sister and three year old brother are getting time-outs for being bad (this time it was a small fight over a toy). They are both adopted, and we have what's called "open adoptions" which means we keep in touch with their birth families (send pictures, even visit sometimes), they both come from different mothers in different cities, but in our state. Before we adopted Rose, my sister, we had a baby boy named Adam for three weeks, and then his birth mother changed her mind and we had to give him back. That was the most heart-breaking thing that I've ever been through, and probably will ever go through.

I realize this probably doesn't mean much to you, but I should tell you right now, there is no way anyone can really know what would be best for your friend and the little child inside of her. Anyone but God, that is. But I urge you to try to see both sides, especially from her point of view. This is going to be maybe the single hardest decision she will ever have to make, and she'll have to live with it for the rest of her life, whether she keeps the baby or decides to adopt.

From the adoption side, I look at my little brother and sister and can't even imagine life without them. They are the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me, even if they get on my nerves sometimes.

But from the mother's side, I look back on those three weeks my family had with Adam, and I wonder: If letting a child you love THAT much go after just three weeks is as hard as it was for me, then how hard must it be after nine months?

I can't tell you that it would be better for the mother to keep the child just as I can't tell you that giving the baby up for adoption would be any better. I don't know what kind of situation your friend is in or if it's a good environment to raise a child in or not. But I can tell you that that baby, that tiny little child, is a miracle, though it may not seem like it.

You say you're worried about your friend's life and your friend's future, but there's another person to add to the equation. We should respect and consider that life as well. I'm sure your friend was well aware that her decision to have sex could possibly result in a child, and in making that decision, she chose to take on the responsibly of her actions. Although, to be fair, there are many teenage mothers out there who have graduated high school, probably even some that have gotten through college. It all depends on how committed the mother is to a good life for both her and her child. It also matters that there are people around(family, the father, close friends) who will help her emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially as well.

What kind of goals does your friend have for her life, her future career, and possible future family? Are her parents supportive of her through this pregnancy? Where is the baby's father in all this? Can she handle the responsibility of someone twice her age? These are some very serious questions that you can ask yourself and her. The answers factor a lot in if it would be wise for her to keep the baby.

So I suppose your answer in a nutshell is this: You can try and explain these things to her and hope and pray she will make the best decision for herself and the child. But the fact remains, this child was made by God for a specific reason, and God's plan beats all in the end.

I hope you have found this helpful, please pass my congratulations on to your friend for her holy gift. My prayers are with you all.

Peace,
Martha

Sunday Services vs. Sunday Mass and Eucharist

Q: My best friend and I like to spend the night at each other’s houses a lot. If she spends the night at my house on Saturday then she goes to church with my family on Sunday. But if I spend the night at her house on Saturday, my parents won’t let me go to church with her family because she isn’t Catholic. I don’t see what the big deal is; church is church.

A: If that is the rule, then you should respect your parents. The Protestant church service does not fulfill our Sunday obligation as Catholics. The rule around my house (because I have a lot of Protestant friends) was that I had to go to my church first, fulfill my obligation, and then I could go to my friend’s church. You should also be able to defend your faith if you are ever put into a situation at your friend’s church that would call you to.

Ashley

Catholics and Fashion

Q: I normally wear a brown scapular. But I like to wear clothes from Aeropostale and Abercrombie. A lot of people tell me that it is clinging to the world and not living like Jesus. I don't wear the clothes to impress, I just like the way they fit and the way they look. What do I do?

A: Good for you for wearing a scapular! I must confess, every time I’ve tried to wear one, it would irritate me endlessly and I’d take it off after a few days. Anyway, hope I can answer your question!

Clothes have always been important, ever since Adam and Eve’s fashionable, “environmentally-friendly” fig-leaf loincloths. Fashions have come and gone throughout the ages. We all know what it’s like today. People tell us what to wear, how to wear it, why to wear it, and to not care what it’ll cost us, whether it be money or our dignity.

But what does the Bible say about it? 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, "Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God."

Mind you, that doesn’t mean you can’t dress fashionably or wear jewelry. Peter is just reminding us that the external is not what’s important—it’s your “hidden character” that’s important. If you’re dirty inside, your apparel will reflect that mindset. In the same way, if you’re holy inside, your apparel should represent it—if not, then you don’t know the meaning of true beauty and modesty.

In your case, I understand you like Aeropostale and Abercrombie—not to impress, but for the comfort. But people are judging you for it, claiming it’s too worldly. What to do? One thing they have to realize is, no matter what you wear, it was considered “worldly” at one time. Believe it or not, your grandma’s clothes were fashionable at one time—and they may come back into fashion! Even the Jews had their own clothing clique (albeit very modest).

But, on the other hand, those people may have a point, depending upon how immodest your clothes are—upon how much they attract people to your body and not your personality. For girls: really tight clothes, cleavage, and lots of skin. For boys: sleeveless shirts, extremely tight “emo” pants, and way too baggy pants, “showing off” their boxers (by the way, guys, this is not in any way attractive).

If your clothes fit one of those descriptions, do yourself a favor and get a new wardrobe (I recommend Good Will highly)! Though they will attract people to you, you have to ask yourself: what type of people do I want to attract? Do you want people who will like you for your body and choice of clothes, or people who will respect you and love your personality?

Plus, you might want to consider how Abercrombie & Fitch advertises itself. “Immodest” and “inappropriate” are understatements. Go to their website and see for yourself. Then ask yourself: do I want people to think of images like that when they look at me? Do I want to be wearing a brand that promotes itself like this? Think about it; it’s your decision.

Through all the fashions that come and go, always remember these words in Ephesians: “Put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace. In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all (the) flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Put on the armor of God! If you wear that, you’ll awe people with your inner beauty shining forth. They’ll forget all about judging your clothes.

God Bless,
Catherine

My Friend is Depressed

Q: My friend is really depressed. How do I help her feel better? Is there something in the Bible that will help her?

A: Point out to her the positives about herself and the life God has given her. Tell her that God will provide, and help her through the hard times. A good place to look in the Bible for support is the Beatitudes. Matthew 5:3-8, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Remind her that God is always there for her and that she can turn to Him in time of need. Also, reassure her that you will be her friend until the end.

Jenna

Help Lines:

• Catholic Therapists Online
• National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Teen Hope Line
• Worldwide Suicide Hope Line

Dealing with Leukemia and Friends

Q: I have leukemia and so I can’t go to school. I have a tutor at home. My old friends don’t come over any more. My mom says that they probably don’t know if it’s all right to talk to me about my leukemia. I don’t mind talking about it because it helps me. I’m bald because of chemo and that might make them uncomfortable too. My pastor does come see me a lot and I like that.

Any ideas about what I can do to get my friends to come over and what I can do to pass the time? I’m bored a lot.

A: I know all of the answers on this blog are supposed to be answered by your peers, but I just have to answer this one myself. You see, I kind of know how you feel. When I was thirteen-years old, I had back surgery. Afterward, I was put into a body cast and bedridden for six months.

My friends were afraid to visit me for a long time. In fact, after my best friend came to visit upon my return home from the hospital, she didn’t come back. It was understandable why. I had been brought home by an ambulance, still groggy from pain medication, wearing a body cast from my chin to the top of my legs, and put into a hospital bed in the middle of my family’s living room. I was quite a sight.

When I didn’t see my girlfriend for a whole week, I gave her a call. I figured out that she must’ve felt uncomfortable around me, so I was totally upfront with her. I told her that it was okay to talk about my surgery; I didn’t mind at all. I also let her know how much I missed her company. Slowly, but surely, she started coming over more and more until she got in the habit of visiting everyday after school. After a while, she started bringing our friends from the neighborhood too.

I suggest that you call your closest friend and let him know that you would like him to come around more often. Tell him that you know that it may be uncomfortable for him at first. It’ll only take a few visits for him to get use to your appearance and to be open to talking about your leukemia. Once that happens, ask him to bring another friend now and then.

When he does come, make the visit fun. Play some games, catch up on all the latest news from school, make favorite snacks, watch a movie (something uplifting), or play video games. Let him see that you can still enjoy yourself.

One thing I remember is that my tutor only came to my house for two hours a day. This gave me a lot of free time to kill, especially considering my friends were in school more than six hours. I read a lot (which requires geeky prism glasses when you’re forced to lay flat on your back – no sitting). If you’re not a big reader, but like a good story, listen to audio books. You can borrow them free from the library.

I strongly suggest learning a new skill. If you like music, learn the guitar. If you like computer work, learn web design. Think about how cool it will be when your friends, family, or pastor come to visit and you can show off your new skill. So, think hard about what interests you and what you can learn at home.

I have to say that I believe a lot of my character was formed during my time of convalescence. I learned a lot about patience and humility. Most importantly, I learned how to appreciate the little things in life (like being able to sit and walk!). I pray that you will be well soon, and that this experience will have a lot of positive outcomes for you. God bless!

Mrs. Wittmann

I Want to Be Friends with Everyone

Q: I try so hard to be nice to everyone and they all throw it back at me and it makes me sad because I just want to be friends with everyone. What do I do?

A: “If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.” This is a quote from Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. I think there is a lot of wisdom in what she has to say here and I would take her advice. The things that happen throughout your life are between you and God. It isn’t between you and other people. In the end it will matter that you were nice.

It is sad when others don’t treat us nicely. When hurts take it to Jesus. He has been down the same road and He will understand your sadness. He can also be your strength when the going gets tough. Look to Him for everything you need.

Amanda

Are Buddhists Going to Hell

Q: I was born and raised Catholic and I enjoy my religious responsibilities for the most part. I was also raised on the principle that all religions deserve respect. In a way, I grew to appreciate other views from a theological point of view. However, I feel pressure from some of the Catholic families I commune with to sever ties with my non-Catholic friends because their religious principle conflict with my own. I understand that worshiping idols and false gods is a sin, but are my Buddhist friends really going to hell? Is it really wrong for me to be friends with them?

A: Well, first off, as Catholics we believe that anyone has the chance to be 'saved' and go to heaven. We honestly can't say someone is for certain going to hell or not. That is solely up to God. BUT, we do know God clearly says in His ten commandments: "You shall have no other gods before me," and we all struggle with that in our own way. Buddhism in particular, I'd say, goes against that rather significant law of God. He wants us to love and appreciate Him as our creator, father, savior, and lord. Not idolize a mere man, just another creation of God.

Secondly, as far as being friends with non-Catholics, I think it's a perfect opportunity not only to teach others about your own faith, but also to learn things about others' faiths. Be fair in trading off/sharing traditions, but don't get involved in something you know would go against your faith and your God. Just be prepared to answer some tough questions. Pray constantly for them and yourself. And above all, stay strong in your own faith.

The people that you feel are pressuring you to sever ties are probably just worried about you. You could probably tell them to pray for you, for you to stay strong in your faith, and let them know that they don't have to worry. If you feel that God is supporting your friendship with these non-Catholics, then He is surely going to watch over you.

One last thing... take heed of warnings, and keep your ears open for God's voice in the people around you. Keep praying for God's will in your life, that's the most important thing.

My prayers are with you, good luck!
Martha

My Friend is Pregnant

Today's question gets two answers . . .

Q: I just found out that my best friend is pregnant. It was a total shocker to me. She just turned 18 and is in her senior year of high school. I really don’t know what to say to her. One side wants to wish the baby well and the other side wants to tell her off. I’ve seen girls pregnant before in our school, but not a friend. How do I talk to her and say the right thing?

A1: If you are being a friend to her, you are doing and saying the right things. If she is not scared yet, she probably will be at one point during the pregnancy, and she will need the support of a good friend. One thing I have learned is that people don’t want friends to fix their problems; they want to be able to voice their problems and concerns with someone. She knows there are plenty of people who are already talking about her and thinking badly about her, it would be nice to have someone there to support her. What is done is done, we can either dwell on the situation or we can help make it better. You already know how to be a friend, which is what she needs more than words. You may have to be the one to initiate the conversation, but let her know that you are there for her and then let your actions and attitude back it up.

Alex


A2: First off, try not to worry about saying the right thing. At a time like this, the only thing your friend needs is someone who isn’t going to be judgmental or mean. She needs someone who is going to be a friend. Imagine yourself in her place – having to tell your parents, struggling with mixed feelings of fear and shame, listening to the whispers in the high school hallways. Finding out you are pregnant is never an easy thing to handle when you’re single, and it’s that much harder when you are only eighteen. Try to understand that, although you may not agree with her choice to have sex, she is dealing with a heavy consequence of the mistake she made.

With that, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Let her know that you are here for her whenever she needs to talk. If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe even offer to be there when she tells her parents – that is probably one of the hardest things she may ever have to do, and it may be a little easier if she doesn’t have to do it alone. Also, talk to her about what she is thinking in terms of the baby’s future. Does she want to keep the child or offer him or her up for adoption? Has she been to the doctor and gotten everything she needs to keep her and the baby healthy? Make sure you also talk to her about how she is doing. What is she thinking? How does she feel? Is she worried? Upset? Anxious? Happy? Try not to reprimand her or tell her off for getting into this situation – the mistake has already been made, so screaming and yelling will do nothing but ruin your friendship. By this point, the only thing you can do for your friend is be there, which is probably one of the most important things she needs right now.

Maureen D.

Should Catholics Force Their Pro-Life Beliefs on Society

Q: I am a Catholic and part of an online forum where we hold a few debates once and a while. One that's come up is the subject of abortion. One of the people arguing in favor of it is a Catholic and she claims that since America allows freedom of religion, Christians and Catholics should not try to 'force' their beliefs on others. How can I argue that abortion is a serious crime?

A: First off, freedom of religion is the freedom for one to practice any religion they want, since abortion isn't a religious practice I don't see how it falls under freedom of religion. Our country was founded on basic Christian morals, "One nation under God..." And God's list of basic morals is found in the Ten Commandments, one of which is "Though shall not kill".

If this argument isn't good enough than there is the overwhelming evidence that human life begins at the moment of conception. In that instant human DNA that is unique from the mother is created.

"Embryo: The developing individual between the union of the germ cells and the completion of the organs which characterize its body when it becomes a separate organism.... At the moment the sperm cell of the human male meets the ovum of the female and the union results in a fertilized ovum (zygote), a new life has begun.... The term embryo covers the several stages of early development from conception to the ninth or tenth week of life."
[Considine, Douglas (ed.). Van Nostrand's Scientific Encyclopedia. 5th edition. New York: Van Nostrand Reinhold Company, 1976, p. 943]

So if we know that life begins at the conception of a human embryo, and that abortion destroys the embryo, then we can say that abortion is the destruction of a human life. And that my friend is considered murder.

Paul

Flirtatious Guy

Q: One of my friends is really heavy on flirting with any girl, even though he has a girlfriend. It’s out of hand and the girls in our group are getting irritated. Is there any way I can get him to stop?

A: Your friend may not know others think he is flirting. Some people are naturally flirtatious and do not realize how others see their actions. Talk to him, he probably doesn’t know that the girls in your group are becoming irritated with his flirting. Tell him that the girls would like him to cut back on it. Be ready for him to say that he doesn't flirt with them, because he may not know he's doing it. Let him know some specific situations that have made the girls uncomfortable.

Don't expect a complete character overhaul, but if he knows specific things that are irritating them he can stop doing those things. If we do not let someone know the things that are bothering us we cannot hold them responsible for those things. Until it is communicated the other party does not know their actions are bothersome. You cannot force your friend to stop, but letting him know that he is being perceived as irritating is a good way to help him choose to stop.

Alex

Figuring Out Beliefs

Q: I used to be best friends with this guy when we were kids. We both changed a lot in high school, and now we aren’t as good of friends. He became a hardcore Christian, and I’m still trying to figure out my beliefs. He is always trying to save me or have people from his Fundamentalist church come and talk to me. How can I tell him that I want him to back off a little, without being a jerk about it?

A: I would approach him, and just explain that you are doing a lot of searching right now. Tell him that you would appreciate his prayers during this time of your life but that you need to figure things out for yourself. Let him know that even though you may benefit from talking to him or his friends, you’d like to be the one who asks for information in your own way and time.

Ashley

Being an Individual

Q: I am the type of girl who doesn’t have many acquaintance friends but like five very close friends. Because of this, I usually do stuff by myself and I like it. I get along fine with people but I enjoy doing stuff on my own like going to the mall. I also do not like parties or group projects. Parties bore me to death unless one of my close friends is having a small one. Is it normal to want to be individual about a lot of stuff?

A: Well, you know, since I’m a practicing Catholic, homeschooled, and come from a so-called “large” family (seven kids including me), today’s society would consider me a complete and utter freak. (I’m also a very radical person.) Keeping that in mind, I may not be the best person to give an answer depicting what is normal and what is not, but I’m going to answer this question anyway.

It’s not really whether or not it’s considered normal that’s important, but is this okay. Do you know the saying “stand for what’s right, even if you stand alone”? This statement illustrates my point wonderfully. Even if you’re not considered normal, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re messed up or anything. If you’re a very private person then that’s fine. It’s not like that’s a sin or some disease or disorder. Being private is part of your personality and God made you that way for a reason. But anyway, your question: Is it normal? I think so. There are plenty of other people out there who are quiet, soft-spoken, or private people. I’m that way and I’ve got friends like that too. (Of course, I’m “abnormal” don’t forget that.)

And one more thing, in some way or other, and maybe more or less, we are called to be in communion with others. It is okay to be private as long as it’s not out of selfishness and that’s just the way you are.

Christian

Breaking Off a Friendship

Q: How do I break off an unhealthy three-year friendship? She lies about serious things and is always making sarcastic remarks about my family. I have tried to be a good friend but this friendship puts me on an emotional roller coaster. Don’t tell me to just avoid her. That’s impossible.

A: Unfortunately, avoiding her is not only impossible, it’s one of the worst ways of ending a friendship. Avoiding someone who you no longer want to be friends with ends up hurting both of you in the long run. The other person often feels neglected and discarded, and usually does not see the reason for your sudden cold shoulder. Resentment, pain, and anger on both sides are all very common when this situation arises.

The best way to break off an unhealthy friendship is also the hardest, because it involves you talking to her about it. Sit your friend down and tell her you are unhappy with your friendship and need it to end. The key is to do it nicely, but firmly. Don’t make accusations and don’t start a screaming match. Simply explain to her why you feel you can no longer be her friend, and see what she thinks. Listen to her, and make sure both sides of the story are clear.

Then, after everything that needs to be said has been said, stick to your decision. Don’t call her up when all of your other friends are out at a movie without you. Don’t pretend to be “best friends” when you have no one to sit with at lunch. This will just end up in confusion and her feeling as though you are using her, bringing you right back to the resentment and anger you tried to avoid. Losing a friend is very difficult to get through, but remember: everything is okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

A few years ago, Rachel Simmons wrote a book called Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, which talks about the different struggles that girls go through – with their family, friends, and schoolmates. She wrote a follow up book this past year, Odd Girl Speaks Out, in which she published stories of girls who had read her book and wanted to tell about their experiences. These books offer some wonderful advice on how to deal with a range of things that girls encounter through the teenage years, especially unhealthy friendships. I highly recommend that you check either of these out of the library for a quick, easy, and very insightful read.

Maureen D.

How to Live a Holy Life

Q: How do we live holy lives? It is too hard with my friends always trying to talk me into stuff I know is wrong. How do I get the strength to say yes to God and no to my friends?

A: Deepen your love for God; learn more about Him. The more you come to know God the easier it will become for you to say yes to Him. Strength comes from God; you can get it by spending time with Him in prayer and time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Also, you can find extra help from graces like: weekday Mass, confession, praying the rosary, wearing a scapular, sacrifice, and fasting. Make an effort to do some of these things. It makes a huge difference! When your friends challenge you, say a quick prayer, a Hail Mary, ask the Holy Spirit for the right words. Before you go to school or anywhere with your friends, ask for the intercession of a saint. Just live it! Live the holy life for real!

Amanda

How to Answer the Questions of Non-Catholics

Q: I have some non-Catholic friends who love to challenge my faith and ridicule and put me down when I cannot answer their questions. What's the best way to deal with them?

A: Don’t listen to their ridiculing; ignore it. If you can’t, that’s okay, because if you’re willing to do a little work you won’t have to for long.

First of all, if you can’t answer any of their questions then just use the three most commonly used words (in my case, at least) in apologetics: "I don’t know." Those words? Yes, those words. But what are the words I don’t know without its counterpart? Nothing. So what you need to do is follow them up with: "but I can find out."

Then comes the hard part. Do the research. You can go and ask someone to help you come up with an answer to a question, like your parents, or a priest, or anyone else you think could help. There are also a lot of books you can read that can give you more information. My personal favorite is the Catechism of the Catholic Church (second edition, mind you). This book has anything and everything there is to know on Catholicism in it, and it is big, too big sometimes. Of course it has an index and glossary (believe me you will need them). See the bibliography in the back of this book for some great apologetics books. A good website to check out is Catholic Answers. This will be enough to get you started.

You probably don’t need me telling you this, considering you used the word friends, but I’ll tell you anyway just in case. When answering a question don’t get aggressive, you should be assertive, but even a little aggressiveness can make matters worse. Share the Truth with love!

Christian

Should I Forgive

Q: One of my friends and I got in a fight last year. It was pretty insignificant and I didn’t think much of it. But then she started saying stuff about me behind my back and got all of our friends to think that I am a horrible person. I never said one bad thing about her. She even got our homeroom teacher into it.

I cut off our friendship. But now everyone in our group says we should make up. I’m not sure if I should forgive her for all the stuff she’s done to me this past year and be friends with her again.

A: Forgiving is difficult. It usually means acknowledging that someone has hurt you and that is a hard thing to do. In the Lord’s Prayer we ask, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We ask to be forgiven in the same manner we forgive. Bishop Desmond Tutu said, “Forgiving means abandoning your right to pay back the perpetrator in his own coin, but it is a loss that liberates the victim . . . One asks, ‘Have you forgiven those who held you prisoner of war?’ ‘I will never forgive them,’ replies the other. His mate says, ‘Then it seems they still have you in prison, don’t they?’” (No Future Without Forgiveness [Random House, 2000], pg. 272)

Forgiving someone is a difficult process, but if we do not forgive those who hurt us, the pain will never go away. I am not saying you need to be best friends with this person, but forgiving her will get rid of some of the tension and open the door to civility.

Alex