Church Goers Hypocrites

Q: The people in our church are a bunch of hypocrites. They act like they’re all holy on Sunday, then during the week they don’t even think about God. What’s the deal with that?

A: That's how a lot of people are; sometimes it’s not on purpose. We’re all sinners. Maybe the deal is that they are not sure why they’re Catholic anymore. Maybe they think going to Mass on Sunday is enough. The thing is that you will never know. So when you see these people on the weekdays, start up a conversation about what you liked in the homily, or how you love the church community. Being a good example is important, even if they are adults. Have you ever considered that you might be doing the same thing? There is a verse in the Bible that says you should not be so concerned with what the people around you are doing wrong, rather look at yourself and fix your problems first so that you can help others better. (Mt. 7:3-5)

Amanda

How Do I Forgive Cruelty

Q: How do you forgive people when they've done something really awful to you? Not the petty little jabs or mean jokes by the popular people at school, but people, adults, who have significant power over you who not only did something mean, but incredibly cruel? I've asked God to help me forgive, so many times, but I keep getting the same answer: I want you to do this on your own. How do you forgive without God's help?

A: First, God isn’t going to tell you to do anything impossible. If he is telling you to forgive someone, then it is within your ability to do so. Second, we as humans must forgive even without feeling like it. If we don’t forgive, how can we expect to be forgiven by God? It’s not an emotion to forgive, it’s a decision. It is a decision to stop wishing for a better past and let go of the hurt that a person has caused us. To forgive someone who has hurt you, you need to do just this, and continue to pray frequently for a mire forgiving spirit, as well as for those who have offended you. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is quite possible.

Another thing you can do is talk to an adult you trust, like your parents, priest, or youth minister. They may be able to give you more in-depth help on this situation and offer you support. If you've been physically or emotionally wounded by a person, you could forgive the person who injured you, but you still need healing yourself. And keep praying, God can do the more healing than anyone else can. Pray to him for healing, and be aware that it is absolutely okay to continue seeking God’s grace for this hurt.

Tyler

I Want to Be Friends with Everyone

Q: I try so hard to be nice to everyone and they all throw it back at me and it makes me sad because I just want to be friends with everyone. What do I do?

A: “If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.” This is a quote from Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. I think there is a lot of wisdom in what she has to say here and I would take her advice. The things that happen throughout your life are between you and God. It isn’t between you and other people. In the end it will matter that you were nice.

It is sad when others don’t treat us nicely. When hurts take it to Jesus. He has been down the same road and He will understand your sadness. He can also be your strength when the going gets tough. Look to Him for everything you need.

Amanda

Catholic Kids, Uniforms, Chastity and Fish

Q: Why must Catholic kids dress alike in school and eat fish on Friday? Why do nuns and priests have to wear habits and never marry just to serve God? I can serve my Lord with no reference to dress or marital status.

A: Catholic kids dress alike to show the unity of the church, to make all men equal, and to display order. They show reverence to Jesus, who died on Friday, by not eating fish on the Fridays during Lent. It is a way to show love for God, and devotion. Nuns and priests never marry because nuns are “married to Jesus” in a way, and priests are “married to the Church.” This is to help them focus more deeply on what God wants and needs for His people. It is just a way for them to serve God more devotedly. These are not necessary things, but they help in the process of loving our Lord.

Jenna

Dignity and the Sacrament of Marriage

Q: Can I go to my Aunt’s wedding that will be at the country club with only a Justice of the Peace? She is a confirmed Catholic, but not practicing right now. I don’t think I should go, but I can’t explain why. She is living with her fiancé, should I attend her bridal shower? What is a bridal shower really for anyway?

A: The bridal shower is a time to celebrate the beginning of a new life, usually done showering the bride with gifts in celebration. I would consider discussing some of your concerns and questions with other loved ones and gain their insight; they are more directly involved and know the relationship between you and your aunt better than I do. If you don’t feel comfortable going to celebrate the new beginning your aunt is starting, I suggest not going to the bridal shower.

“This covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.” (CCC, 1601) I think the difficulty you are having is that your aunt does not seem to recognize the dignity of this sacrament. Unfortunately for your aunt, since she is getting married outside of the Church, she is not going to have a sacramental marriage; she will have a legally binding marriage contract. God will still be present in their lives, but when marriage is between baptized persons He is directly connected with both people and their relationship, because He has bound them together. Whether or not you attend your aunt’s wedding should depend on whether or not you can go to the ceremony and show love for your aunt without supporting her actions. It is difficult, but this is a question that only you can answer.

Alex

Can Jews Go to Heaven

Q: Can Jews go to heaven since they don’t believe in Jesus?

A: Yes, because God honors the purity and love in one’s heart and a Jewish person can have that. They may feel and believe they are living as they should. If one does not believe in Jesus it is probably because he or she has not ever been educated. One cannot be blamed for what they have not been taught.

If you go to the Catechism of the Catholic Church on the Internet and search for “people of God” or “Jews” you will find a lot of information on this topic. For example, “Those who have not yet received the Gospel are related to the People of God in various ways.” Also, “The Jewish faith, unlike other non-Christian religions, is already a response to God’s revelation in the Old Covenant. To the Jews ‘belong the sonship, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, and the promises; to them belong the patriarchs, and of their race, according to the flesh, is the Christ’, ‘for the gifts and the call of God are irrevocable.”’ (CCC, 839)

Karen

Smoking Weed to Look Cool

Q: I was just wondering if you ever did stuff to look cool in front of people or to fit in or be accepted? Stuff like drugs, beer, and smoking cigarettes. Also, what are your opinions on trying that stuff? Like if you’re curious about smoking weed, do you think you should try it or just stay away from it?

A: I guess the thing that really turned me off to weed and drinking is when I took a psychology class my first semester of college and found out what they do to you. Weed messes up your brain cells from the first time you try it, and alcohol can do many bad things to you as well, like lower inhibition levels. I never smoked weed or drank and after finding out all of that I never want to!

Another thing to remember is that we are created in God’s image. Our bodies are literally “temples of the Holy Spirit.” Our bodies are good and should be respected. (CCC, 364) We shouldn’t damage them with recreational drugs.

When it comes to pressure from your friends about doing these things, you need to remember that if they are not going to respect you for not doing it, then they are not really your friends. Besides, you can set an awesome example by not doing it.

Ashley

Religious Ed Teacher is Wrong

Q: I am curious about what I should do when a CCD teacher or someone who is supposed to be teaching the Faith says something that I just know the Catholic Church doesn’t teach. I don’t want to be offensive or anything but is there something that I can do when this happens?

A: If you know for sure that what that person is teaching isn’t true, then you have every right to approach him or her about it. Out of respect though, you shouldn’t bring it up in the classroom. Maybe wait until class is over, and then tell the teacher your concerns. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe to be the truth.

A lot of times people do not know what the Church teaches. In other words, they are not trying to teach against the Catholic Church, they just don’t know better.

Ashley

My Friend is Pregnant

Today's question gets two answers . . .

Q: I just found out that my best friend is pregnant. It was a total shocker to me. She just turned 18 and is in her senior year of high school. I really don’t know what to say to her. One side wants to wish the baby well and the other side wants to tell her off. I’ve seen girls pregnant before in our school, but not a friend. How do I talk to her and say the right thing?

A1: If you are being a friend to her, you are doing and saying the right things. If she is not scared yet, she probably will be at one point during the pregnancy, and she will need the support of a good friend. One thing I have learned is that people don’t want friends to fix their problems; they want to be able to voice their problems and concerns with someone. She knows there are plenty of people who are already talking about her and thinking badly about her, it would be nice to have someone there to support her. What is done is done, we can either dwell on the situation or we can help make it better. You already know how to be a friend, which is what she needs more than words. You may have to be the one to initiate the conversation, but let her know that you are there for her and then let your actions and attitude back it up.

Alex


A2: First off, try not to worry about saying the right thing. At a time like this, the only thing your friend needs is someone who isn’t going to be judgmental or mean. She needs someone who is going to be a friend. Imagine yourself in her place – having to tell your parents, struggling with mixed feelings of fear and shame, listening to the whispers in the high school hallways. Finding out you are pregnant is never an easy thing to handle when you’re single, and it’s that much harder when you are only eighteen. Try to understand that, although you may not agree with her choice to have sex, she is dealing with a heavy consequence of the mistake she made.

With that, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Let her know that you are here for her whenever she needs to talk. If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe even offer to be there when she tells her parents – that is probably one of the hardest things she may ever have to do, and it may be a little easier if she doesn’t have to do it alone. Also, talk to her about what she is thinking in terms of the baby’s future. Does she want to keep the child or offer him or her up for adoption? Has she been to the doctor and gotten everything she needs to keep her and the baby healthy? Make sure you also talk to her about how she is doing. What is she thinking? How does she feel? Is she worried? Upset? Anxious? Happy? Try not to reprimand her or tell her off for getting into this situation – the mistake has already been made, so screaming and yelling will do nothing but ruin your friendship. By this point, the only thing you can do for your friend is be there, which is probably one of the most important things she needs right now.

Maureen D.

Flirtatious Guy

Q: One of my friends is really heavy on flirting with any girl, even though he has a girlfriend. It’s out of hand and the girls in our group are getting irritated. Is there any way I can get him to stop?

A: Your friend may not know others think he is flirting. Some people are naturally flirtatious and do not realize how others see their actions. Talk to him, he probably doesn’t know that the girls in your group are becoming irritated with his flirting. Tell him that the girls would like him to cut back on it. Be ready for him to say that he doesn't flirt with them, because he may not know he's doing it. Let him know some specific situations that have made the girls uncomfortable.

Don't expect a complete character overhaul, but if he knows specific things that are irritating them he can stop doing those things. If we do not let someone know the things that are bothering us we cannot hold them responsible for those things. Until it is communicated the other party does not know their actions are bothersome. You cannot force your friend to stop, but letting him know that he is being perceived as irritating is a good way to help him choose to stop.

Alex

I Hate Religion

Q: I’m not a bigot or anything, I just hate religion and I think it is just like a drug. Every time I see someone wearing a cross around their neck, I want to jump up and tell them to get real. What should I do?

A: I would not suggest jumping up and challenging their beliefs, even though you would like to. The best way to handle a difference of opinion with someone is in a discussion. And the best way to have an effective discussion is to know the other person’s side. I think you should investigate further into why those people are wearing crosses. In this process you will be able to discover the reasons for their display. This will help you better express your own position. Don’t look simply at the surface; look into the depths of what they believe.

Anyone can make an attack at someone for his or her beliefs. It takes a wiser person to examine the other person’s position, to educate themselves about new ways and choose the best course for himself or herself. Another possibility is to look inward and examine why you feel the way you do. Look into why you hate religion, and research it more. I think the best way to move forward in anything is to first examine oneself, take the information, turn that knowledge into action, and grow.

Alex

Catholics and the Sign of the Cross

Q: Why do Catholics make the sign of the cross on themselves?

A: The sign of the cross represents the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Before and after prayer we cross ourselves because it helps remind us of Jesus’ death. It also reminds us of His promise that through Him, because of His suffering, we can get to heaven. It can also remind us of whom we belong to.

Amanda

Being an Individual

Q: I am the type of girl who doesn’t have many acquaintance friends but like five very close friends. Because of this, I usually do stuff by myself and I like it. I get along fine with people but I enjoy doing stuff on my own like going to the mall. I also do not like parties or group projects. Parties bore me to death unless one of my close friends is having a small one. Is it normal to want to be individual about a lot of stuff?

A: Well, you know, since I’m a practicing Catholic, homeschooled, and come from a so-called “large” family (seven kids including me), today’s society would consider me a complete and utter freak. (I’m also a very radical person.) Keeping that in mind, I may not be the best person to give an answer depicting what is normal and what is not, but I’m going to answer this question anyway.

It’s not really whether or not it’s considered normal that’s important, but is this okay. Do you know the saying “stand for what’s right, even if you stand alone”? This statement illustrates my point wonderfully. Even if you’re not considered normal, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re messed up or anything. If you’re a very private person then that’s fine. It’s not like that’s a sin or some disease or disorder. Being private is part of your personality and God made you that way for a reason. But anyway, your question: Is it normal? I think so. There are plenty of other people out there who are quiet, soft-spoken, or private people. I’m that way and I’ve got friends like that too. (Of course, I’m “abnormal” don’t forget that.)

And one more thing, in some way or other, and maybe more or less, we are called to be in communion with others. It is okay to be private as long as it’s not out of selfishness and that’s just the way you are.

Christian

Should I Forgive

Q: One of my friends and I got in a fight last year. It was pretty insignificant and I didn’t think much of it. But then she started saying stuff about me behind my back and got all of our friends to think that I am a horrible person. I never said one bad thing about her. She even got our homeroom teacher into it.

I cut off our friendship. But now everyone in our group says we should make up. I’m not sure if I should forgive her for all the stuff she’s done to me this past year and be friends with her again.

A: Forgiving is difficult. It usually means acknowledging that someone has hurt you and that is a hard thing to do. In the Lord’s Prayer we ask, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We ask to be forgiven in the same manner we forgive. Bishop Desmond Tutu said, “Forgiving means abandoning your right to pay back the perpetrator in his own coin, but it is a loss that liberates the victim . . . One asks, ‘Have you forgiven those who held you prisoner of war?’ ‘I will never forgive them,’ replies the other. His mate says, ‘Then it seems they still have you in prison, don’t they?’” (No Future Without Forgiveness [Random House, 2000], pg. 272)

Forgiving someone is a difficult process, but if we do not forgive those who hurt us, the pain will never go away. I am not saying you need to be best friends with this person, but forgiving her will get rid of some of the tension and open the door to civility.

Alex

Is Addiction a Sin

Q: If someone is addicted to drugs, are they responsible for their actions? Is it a sin to get addicted?

A: Yes and no. Yes, it is a sin to get addicted because before you start using drugs you know doing drugs is morally wrong and that you could hurt yourself or someone else. You also know there is the chance that you could get addicted.

No, you’re not entirely responsible for your actions because when you get addicted you are so irrational and irresponsible that you can’t always do the right thing. That’s why people say don’t even get into drugs, because once you get in its hard to get out. So you are responsible for your actions beforehand, because you know that you can turn uncontrollable. But once addicted, you have no self control and you will probably need someone else’s help to break that addiction. However this does not mean you don’t know wrong from right. Sometimes you can tell wrong from right, but you choose not to do right. That kind of thing is sinful. But if you are not able to think and choose clearly, denying every wrong or right thing, that’s when it is not sinful.
Austin

Dating and Atheism

Q: I just recently ended a relationship with an atheist. While we were dating, I totally felt like I could convince him that Catholicism is wonderful. Instead, I feel like I’ve offended God. Was I wrong for going out with my atheist boyfriend?

A: I’ve actually been there and tried it. The problem with a relationship like this is that the other person may be willing to listen to your ideas about Catholicism, but will not come to see the love of God the way he or she should, not to mention the “love” that they feel for you. He will instead have a worldly perspective on the whole thing, and this is very dangerous, especially at a young age. I know that it seems like a good idea at the time, and you feel like you will be able to bring a person to Catholicism through this, but I strongly recommend a different approach. As hard as it might be, keep the relationship strictly on a friendship level. Share your faith and beliefs with the other person, and allow him to know the true love of Christ and what love is really all about. The person after some time will hopefully have a true personal relationship with God, and then it would be much more appropriate to get into a romantic relationship.

Tom

Choice

Q: My friend is pregnant and wants to have an abortion. If she has the baby, her whole life will be ruined. She won’t be able to go to college or get a good job. I would never have an abortion, but I don’t see how I can tell my friend that she can’t do whatever she wants to do with her own body.

A: If your friend were to have the baby, it definitely would not ruin her life. If she can’t take care of the baby, she can give him or her up for adoption. There are many people who want a baby; your friend would be giving them a gift. That would leave her feeling like she did something worthwhile and good. Abortion would leave her feeling guilty and depressed. She would have to live with the fact that she killed her own child. Deep in her heart, does she really want to kill her little boy or girl? According to the National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing, teenagers are ten times more likely to attempt suicide in the six months following an abortion than those who have not had an abortion. Once your friend has the abortion, she can’t take it back.

Saying that it’s okay for other people to have abortions is like saying that it’s okay with you if someone commits murder. It is her body, but is that a good excuse? She did do what she wanted with her body and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. Yes, she made a mistake but does she want to make an even bigger mistake by choosing abortion?

What can you say to her? Don’t try to change her mind so much as share your opinion with her. The best thing to do is pray for her to make the right decision.

Amanda

For more information visit
Hope After Abortion
Counseling for Abortion Alternatives